To Spank or not to Spank

                   Here's a hot topic if ever there was one.What I find humorous is how our parents forget,once they become grandparents,how they ruled with an iron fist.I'll never forget the countless rolls of toilet paper I folded and scrunched  to cushion my rear for the blows to come.Don't cry for me Argentina,because had I not recieved such dreaded discipline, who knows where I would be today.I believe that spanking done in love to correct unsavory behavior is essential.Providing boundaries simply is not enough.Children always gravitate toward what they cannot have and peer pressures constantly pull them into acts in which they should not participate.Faced with such temptation, a list of do's and don'ts will not cut it. Just like touching a hot stove alerts you to danger, a controlled spanking will enforce the consequences of your behavior. It's been said that experience is the best teacher,but in this case we need to get our kids attention before the reality of life grabs hold. If you don't agree with spanking let's look at the alternative.You can choose not to spank your child, but don't get mad when they embaress you in public; or challenge you as they grow in size, but obviously not in common sense. If you are in favor of spanking, I believe there should be a four step process: 1.) Give a last resort warning to correct behavior
2.) Proceed with controlled spanking;never spank when agitated or angry.A cool head is a must.
3.) Discuss child's behavior and other ways to handle the situation if it happens again.
4.)Tell them you love them. ( Because spanking really is done in love; we care so much for them we don't want them to learn the hard way)
Is there an alternative to spanking you ask? Yes there is.They'll try to whoop you!

How much is too much?

As a mom faced with raising three beautiful kids on my own, I often allow myself to carry the pain of my children. I carry their disappointments, their insecurities,their hopes unfulfilled. I watch as my daughter desperately searches for any glimpse of her daddy's love from years past. I watch as my sons try to be both teacher and student when it comes to learning the tools of life meant to be modeled by a dad. It is because of this that I often find myself trying to overcompensate for my kids,depleting my finances to see the smiles on their faces when they are given their hearts desire.As if that were not enough, I would even overlook their body's natural need for rest and allow them to determine their own bedtimes, so that they could get the most out of every day with me; the one parent that cared enough to be present.At times I still ponder how much is too much.When you give your children everything they want, they come to expect it,breeding a nature of entitlement.When you don't provide their every whim,they grow to resent your insufficiences as the sole guardian. In this present economy it is crucial that we learn to live within our means.It is our responsibility as the matriarch of our domain to prioritize the demands of our household and members therein. Though your child may experience momentary disappointment accompanied by the much dreaded waterworks display for emphasis, they will survive.And though you may not be able to see the sun through the trees,moms you will too.

Am I a mom or a Statistic?

     I will never forget the first time I was faced with this question. I was engaged in a heart to heart discussion and the listener let it slip that they never knew that through my decision to become an unwed mother,I now had made myself a statistic. " A statistic ?", I thought.What is that supposed to mean? Did I now wear a banner on my chest that said I was destined to failure? Was I now going to become like the young mothers depicted in the news with one kid on each hip and one in the stroller walking the streets? Should I not even try to raise my kids in a structured home with Christian values,because they are going to end up as society says, on drugs,selling drugs, or a high school drop out having made me a grandmother at 40? Am I less than because I am not married to the father(s) of my children? Some may have accepted that fate and never aspired to anything greater.However, I allowed it to anger me into action. I was determined my kids would recieve the same quality education as their peers,emotionally whole minus any developmental deficits whatsoever.The image of the traditional nuclear family may have been absent, but I was present every day for my kids. I may not have been able to splurge their every want and desire, but they were never sent out into the world without a need having been met.So if anyone dares ask me again whether I am a mom or a statistic, I would declare I am all that my children need me to be and there is no name for that. 

Daddy Dearest and Daddy Don't

I frequently find myself torn on how to handle such a dilemma. More than anything we hope for the best when it comes to our children's fathers contributing to their well-being.But what do you do when you have three kids and two fathers? When you have one father who sends gifts,money and visits the child at his leisure and the other offers nothing.Is it fair to expect the minimally present dad to consider the feelings of your other children,when he decides to play dad to his own? I believe there should be an unspoken code of conduct when it comes to a situation such as this. I'm sure that if you grew up in a household with siblings,you remember what it felt like when one was rewarded for some great accomplishment and you were left empty-handed. If you were part of a blended family,I 'm sure you can recall a time when a siblings father came to take them on an outing and you were left behind. The emotional pain a child experiences when a parent is absent is unfair,it ruins self esteem and it causes our children to fill that void in damaging ways.I believe that while a man is not obligated to care for a child that is not his own, it is the honorable thing to do if it is within his means. I am not speaking of paying for your other children's college tuition here or paying for prom.What I am suggesting is, if he is planning to send a package to his child,why not include an extra book or card for the others.It will go a long way in repairing the self worth of the other children involved. I am a strong believer of karma,and the good you do for the benefit of others,will come back to you.